Three years ago today right about now, I was at a hotel on the beach in south Texas getting my nails done and thoroughly enjoying being the bride and therefore center of everyones attention. We were coming out the other side of a sad, dark, and gloomy year and the promise of our new life was as bright and shiny as my engagement ring. Swimming around my head were visions of new houses, babies, gray hair, lazy Sundays, family vacations, and rocking chairs on large porches while grandchildren played. I knew there would be hard times as well as happy easy ones, and this year has the distinct honor of being the one that showed me what people mean when they say marriage is hard. What they really mean is that life is hard, and relationships are often the first thing to suffer when times get tough.
The amount of stress we have endured this year should qualify us for a 10 year anniversary.
The birth of our most amazing son has required our marriage to undergo some major reconstruction. The dynamics are just different now and that has taken some adjusting for both of us. We fight about things like money (or more accurately the lack of money) and the messy house (or more accurately the lack of me feeling like it’s part of my job to keep it clean*). We bicker until my shoulders will not remove themselves from my ears. Then we look at the little human we created and we can’t help but smile.
I had always had my suspicions about the kind of father you would be, and when I watch you with Ellis I am amazed at how far you surpass my expectations. You are so present with him. I’ve seen so many dads who are not with their kids even when they are in the same room. You read to him, you interact with him, you know when he’s got a new bump, or when his last dirty diaper was. You want him to feel free to be who he wants to be. You are an amazing father.
Standing on that beach between the tiki torches, looking out at the sunset, I never imagined we would be where we are now. You continue to surprise me with the depth of your compassion, and strength of your spirit. You put up with my bullshit. You always make an effort to do things that will make me smile. And even though it’s been hard for me to show it these last few months, I want to tell you that I know that you do these things, and I know that I don’t always make it easy, and even though you drive me crazy sometimes, I am more in love with you now than I was three years ago.
We’ve managed to claw our way out of the black hole while holding on to each other for dear life. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter and brighter. Today, when I think about our future there are still babies, gray hair, lazy Sundays, family vacations, and rocking chairs on large porches while grandchildren play, swimming in my head. Just as bright and shiny as the day we got married. We are in tact. We are strong. We are a family. I love you baby. Happy Anniversary.
*this is where I say in all caps and four exclamation points: KENT HELPS WITH THE HOUSEWORK!!!!
